occasionally leads to full on run ins with "issues," "problems," or "set-backs." I, however, haven't been able to run through my life in what seems like years- at least, not since the beginning of this year. Perhaps it was naive to believe that going to Palestine or even planning and preparing for this venture would be without severe difficulties. Maybe my infernal optimism on the cosmos delivering to those in need and seeking was inflating my delusions. Maybe its just all these wretched pills the doctors keep giving me in the hope of "fixing" my back that have held me captive to this belief that it will all magickally work out.
the reality: with three months and 2 days till my intended departure date, i've...
1) yet to get any contacts of people to speak with in palestine
2) i'm still seeking a means of fund raising for a camera, lens, computer, room and board, as well as some extra to give in donation to groups working in palestine
3) not yet figured out how in the world to write a contract for my school to study a topic that has nothing to do with what i am really trying to do in fall, but still get some form of academic credit
4)continued to fight with the feelings that no matter what i or any else tries to do, in the end it doesn't really matter because the human race seems to be doomed to failure and destruction anyhow
5)still not healed enough in my back to even know if i will be physically able to sit in a plane for the number of hours required to get to the middle east.
none of these things give me much room for optimism for the future. today might just be one of those defeatist days... i hope i can find some silver lining to these storm clouds soon. at least prior to the next torrential life storm kicking up :[
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