Today marks the day I had been waiting for since my snowy, icy arrival last March. First day of classes at Evergreen began today! Alas, the day has found me ill-prepared to begin my junior year. In fact the day was spent shuffling around to the different administrative offices, rounding up yet more paper work, and trying to determine the status of my student loan application. The sheer difficulty of walking across Red Square into the library served as a gentle reminder that my body is still no where near healed enough to walk across campus and sit for 4 hrs/day for four days/week. It was a very humbling, dare we call it humiliating, afternoon.

While the thought of returning to the sheltered halls of higher learning is beyond enticing, all my instincts seem to scream that now is simply not the time. Beyond the physical considerations, other concerns seem to present themselves to my mind. Having just settled the big question of shelter for the next month or so, shall i now stress finding money for tuition, books, and parking for the nest week [well the next ten weeks]?! In the midst of moving and starting another 6 weeks of PT-- is this a great first day of class? Mayhap the dream of a degree is merely another schedule or life timetable/expectation that I need to let go. Simply allow the course of life to flow as it will without so much internalized expectation. Think-speaking until I can attain my own permission to pause on life to try for forward progress again later. Officially, I've withdrawn from school for another semester.

Yet another lesson I can thank the last 8 months of my life for teaching-- the ability to just let life occur without to much worry when my foreseeable future alters. Or to not try to force open a door in life's path when it will not open. I'm simply getting too old and am still far to sore to just keep launching myself against impediments in my best laid plans. "You cannot walk straight [w]hen the road bends..." - A Romany-Gypsy proverb Think this wisdom is true.

This growth thing, is that when you stop repeating the same cycles, learn to give and go as the cosmos proceeds, and not feel like an utter and complete failure for letting go of some supposed life plan??